Im Just Sayin...

Okay so clearly, it's that time of year again! Wow... Let me try that again. I said, IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN!!!! Hmmmmmmm, still nothing. What's up with that???

I used to get so excited around this time! But look at me now... 3 days before Christmas, and yet to express one wish, for myself that is. Heck I'm not even bothered by the fact that neither of my four parents has asked me what I want yet. But what if they had? What would I say? What do I really want? Clothes? Shoes? A new computer? A car? Well, all of those are nice, but considering how blessed I've been over the years, how dare I "ask" for more?

This year I participated in Toys for Tots. Sunday, my mom, aunt, and I went to the family in which we were sponsoring's house. Upon pulling into the driveway, we all were a bit shocked. We checked twice to make sure we had the right residence, because the house was brand new and twice the size of mine. I thought for sure this was a scam. So we went and rang the doorbell, and then it all made sense. A lady, dressed in shreds of clothing came to the door. When we came in, I counted ten children, all in resemblance of one another, seated quitely on the living room floor. I looked around. There was not one piece of furniture in the house. No television. No refrigerator. No washer or dryer, and from what I could tell, they didn't have many clothes to wash or dry anyway. My heart broke. We had collected about 25 toys, clothes, and shoes for the family, but it didn't seem to be enough. I wanted to give them everything I had, and more. Its not like I ever did anything special to get what I got. I just got blessed with somewhat fortunate parents. They never asked to be poor, just like I never asked to be fortunate, and that could just as well be me.

So all these years I spent, bratting about what I didn't have, I wish I had spent being thankful for what I did have, because I now realize that it is only by the graces of God that I have what I have. I have more than enough clothes and shoes to last me until I grow. So I decided that for Christmas, I want to take the oldest child of the family, Tiana shopping. She's 15, and could really use a nice pair of coach shoes, and maybe even some Forever 21 or Miley Cyrus. Who knows? But what I do know, is that of I make the Christmas of that little girl, it will make my Christmas. So for Christmas, that is all I want. Tis' the season! I finally figured out what Christmas is all about... I'm just sayin...

Dear Mr. First Love,

Hey, how are you? Been a while huh? I know, we gotta do better. So how's life? Mine, you say? Well, mine is goin pretty okay, just living it day by day. Unfortunately for me, since you left not one day has passed without me thinking of you. Crazy I know, its been years. But for some reason, its still there. Do you ever think of me anymore? Probably not... I see you doing it real big now. College. Gettin a lil big time there I see. Thats cool kidd. I ain't mad at ya. Just make sure you dont get caught up, and lose sight of the main goal of college. I really want you to do well. Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, I am still your biggest fan. And I will always be in your corner, with my "Go ******" sign. Yea I know you like that. But listen, there's something else I gotta tell you. I know you got girls, and I even got a man, but I can't make myself love him and not you. You were the first guy to find that special place in my heart. But why won't you leave? Don't you want someone else to have it? I mean, you dont even use it? Are you saving it for something? I just wanna know. Because I'd like someone else to have it, if you don't want it.
Anyway, I said all that to say, I love you... Still. And I may get called crazy, stupid, dumb, or obsessed by others reading this, or even you, but I don't care. Thats how I feel. Thats how I've always felt. And I just thought it was about time you knew... I'm just sayin...

~E

Okay soooo, everybody that knows me pretty much knows my history with bestfriends. My bestfriend since BIRTH Dayanah Owens (may God rest her soul) shot herself at 14. Really messed me up because I never even got to say goodbye. I really miss her... But ummmm, this aint about her.

This is about my guy bestfriend. His name is Samuel Donald Holston the Third :) But most folk just call him Trey. Everybody thinks that we're secretly in love, but noooooo sir-e! We've never even liked each other. We are just the true definition of BESTFRIENDS. We can talk to each other about any and everything. When I'm at my low points, he's at his high, bringing me up. And vice-versa. Sometimes we just sit up in my room to 2 and 3 o'clock in the morning, talking. He always knows just what to say, and the best part is, he's not even gay!

My favorite thing about Trey is the fact that he is the only boy on Earth that I can completely be myself around. And he understands me like no other boyfriend I've ever had in my life. And I've had a few. I can say what I want around Trey, do what I want. Just be myself. Don't have to censor, no need to be mindful. He understands everything about me down to my mannerisms. I can sit with my legs wide open like a baller if I please, or even fart if I got gas. Trey knows me, and accepts me for me. And loves me on top of all my flaws.

To the outside world though, Trey is a complete "butthole" let some girls tell it. He's conceited, selfish, arrogant, and rude at times. But not to me. Trey is nice, sweet, sensitive, and totally a gentleman when it comes to me and his beautiful daughter Samauri :)

And Trey has had like a gazillion girlfriends! But no matter how much of a "long-haired thick redbone" they may be, he lets them know straight-up. "This is my bestfriend, and if you don't like it, then you can't be with me!" I love that. And I do the same, yuuuuuuup! ;-)

So basically, I said all that to say, I really really love my bestfriend. He's done so much for me, he doesn't even know. And I hope we stay together forever, because I couldn't lose another bestfriend. Especially not one like Trey. I'm just sayin :)